3 years ago.....

Three years ago today, I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know how wrong....

Somedays it sucks being right!

As I woke up that morning, I knew things weren't right.  My active baby who typically kept me awake moving and rolling at all hours of the night was barely moving, but there was still movement.  We had had a non-stress test the day before and had passed, but just barely.....barely seemed to be the word.  It was a Tuesday, I headed out the door for my weekly moms group at my church.  Things didn't feel right.  I expressed my concerns and asked the moms at my table for prayers.  When I got home I laid down and counted movements.  Yes, there was still movement, but they weren't the same.  I got up and called my friend who was supposed to be doing a maternity photo shoot for me that afternoon and told her that I just wasn't up for it.  I really regret that now.  I should have gone.  I have no pictures of me pregnant with Tori other than a shot Jay took of me being put into the ambulance later that night.  I really regret not having a picture of me enjoying those final moments.  Only I didn't know that they were the final moments.

After I got off the phone with my friend, I called the doctor's office.  The nurse responded with "the baby is moving, right?" to which I answered "yes, but it isn't the same".  We had all thought that this pregnancy would end with me bleeding, since the placenta had escaped from the uterus, bleeding would certainly be a sign, but there was no blood, no crapping, just a nagging feeling that something was wrong.  The office was ready to close for the afternoon, but the nurse said "I am sure things are fine, but if you are worried, drive over to the hospital and go into triage and have them check it out".  I guess that was one huge advantage of being a high risk mom, they were always trying to calm my fears, even when they had delivered the diagnosis of placenta accreta, they tried to focus on the positives, while making sure I was still aware of the possible outcome, the likelihood that one or both of us wouldn't survive.

From the beginning the outcome didn't look good.  Slow fetal heart tones at the first visit, then the bleeding started.  The look on the doctor's face when he said he felt this pregnancy was not viable, that it would end in miscarriage like my previous two pregnancies.  But the bleeding didn't get heavier, it remained light, constant, but light.  And then at 17 weeks it stopped.  And I could feel baby moving.  The doctors were wrong.  Then the ultrasound with strong fetal heart tones and a baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes...and a chubby belly....already a chubby belly.  Why didn't we see it?  Well maybe because that day they saw something else....the blood flow that should have been in the uterus wasn't, it appeared to be below it, like the placenta wasn't where it belonged.  They ordered an MRI and confirmed that what should never happen had happened.  The placenta had grown out of the uterus.  The outcome that didn't look good for the baby in the beginning became an outcome that looked grave for us both.  There was nothing to do but wait.  And pray.

We left for the hospital, but not before dropping Sophia off at her girl scout meeting.  We were both in denial, certain we would go to the hospital and be back home within a two hour window,

When we got to the hospital, they were expecting us.  Thing moved both quickly and slowly at the same time.  Tests were run and read, monitors attached and we waited.  Then we got the news.  Something didn't seem right and because we weren't at 32 weeks gestation we needed to be transferred to a larger hospital with a level 3 NICU. They called for an ambulance to transport me!

We got to Good Sam right before midnight.  They hooked me back up onto the monitors and made sure that we were both stable.  Yes, something was wrong, but no one knew for sure what that was or just how wrong it would be.  Little did we suspect that the next day would be birthing day!  Little did I know that the babe still tightly tucked in my womb would soon be battling for her life.  Little did I know the trials we would soon face.

Ironically as I type this, I can hear the Reds game in the background.  3 years ago to day they clenched their division, not going to happen today!