Sunday, July 8, 2012

Banana Splits for Brunch

Last Sunday, after church, we had banana splits for brunch!  A RCNIC (regional center for newborn intensive care) mom who I met during Tori's stay introduced me to the Beads of Courage website from which I stumbled (as I so often do on the internet) onto Ryan's mom Diane's facebook page.  She had created the page as a means of fulfilling her wish for her dying son.  She wanted families to do something out of the ordinary, to serve banana splits for dinner, because she realizes that it is not the every day things we do that they remember but those out of the ordinary things that help create memories for our families.  We were more than happy to oblige and fulfill her wish.

ingredients for our banana splits

Luke with his banana split




My banana split minus the banana that I am allergic to!

Tori enjoying her banana split

Ryan died today at 12:10 PM.  He was just 2 weeks older than Tori, not even 22 months old.

I can not imagine the pain that his family and friends are feeling right now.  I can't imagine how they navigate forward from this point.  Although I only know Diane through her facebook page and the things she posts there, she seems to be a strong woman, but the thing I can't tell is if she truly doesn't believe in God or if she is just so profoundly angry (and rightfully so) that she seemed upset at those people offering up prayers.  I can't imagine being in the place where she is right now and not having God and my faith to lean on.  I can not imagine being THAT alone.

After Tori was born, all I could do was pray.  There was nothing I could physically do to fix her.  I could only pour out to my Lord my despair, my fear, my angry, my hopes that he would guide the hands of those who could fix her.  I would sit in the lactation (breastfeeding) room, the only place that you could truly be alone in the RCNIC, and sob and rant at God as I pumped milk for my daughter.  On one day, when I was at the lowest of lows, I even begged Him, pleaded with Him that if he wasn't going to let me bring my daughter home that I needed Him to bring her home to Him now.  I couldn't bear the pain any longer.  And ashamed as I am that I prayed that prayer, I am grateful that I was able to pray it and know that my heavenly Father would welcome His child, His daughter, home.  The prayers of my church family, of friends, of strangers sustained me during those months.

And in case you are wondering, yes, I have prayed for Diane and Ryan and their family since I first found their facebook page.   I have cried tears for a child I have never met and ache for a mother and the unbearable loss she must bear....I did the only thing that I could......I prayed!

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