Resurfacing......

I have been in a funk of late, I know some of what has caused it and I have been trying to figure out some of the other sources of the funk, but since I still can't completely wrap my head around it, I decided to refocus my energy and maybe blog a bit!  Wallowing in self pity isn't a look I really want to sport!

Recently I have stumbled onto a couple of new blogs I really enjoy.

The Path Less Taken the journey of a Christian Unschooling Mom

Six Busy Bees the blog of a local unschooling mom

and Christian Unschooling I particularly like this article Jesus was an unschooler


I have also started reading a blog by a woman who I reintroduced to through her recent tragedy.  Years ago, here and there, I had read things she has written, but I hadn't been keeping up, kind of like so many things in my life, my blog reading had taken a back seat to survival, and I really hate being in that mode.  Anyhow, I have been reading Lauren Fisher's blog Sparkling Adventures and following her struggles as she faces the loss of her son and the imprisonment of her husband.  Despite the "train wreck" draw of the current drama, she has some amazing and inspiring articles (both new and old) that are definitely would a read.  I particularly love the "facilitating free learning" section!

So all the blog reading reinforced in me the therapeutic nature that blogging has had for me over the years and I decided I needed to just "do it".....

July marks an anniversary of sorts, 2 years ago I went into what I am now calling in retrospect, "survival mode".  A note here to anyone who might care-----I have made a conscious decision to depart from that mode and enter a "THRIVING" mode!  Two years ago we received the news that our pregnancy that seemed doomed from the start was no longer just a life and death struggle for our child, but a life and death struggle for me as well.  If that wasn't enough to send us twirling and swirling off course, it seemed to accelerate a world that was already starting to spin out of control.  In some ways it seemed like the beginning of the end, I had no idea what a ride I was in store for.

I know that I have been very self absorbed the past 2 years. In. retrospect, I realize this was a mode of self preservation, as I have been forced to wade through things that I never imagined, navigate paths I
would have never knowingly chosen, and knowingly clung to a rock (my husband, my marriage, my family) that I knew was sinking but couldn't allow myself let go of because I had  faith that in the end, that rock would land safely, not in the same place it started, but someplace different, weathered and shaped by the journey but still my rock.  We stared death in the face and we won.  God worked on my pride, my patience and my faith. We lost our home (or maybe better put our house).  We didn't have food to eat. We went to bed hungry. We traveled a new (sometimes terrifying and sometimes even exciting) path that I never would have chosen, but that has taught me so very much. We learned about compassion and the kindness of strangers.  We saw love poured out on us when we felt undeserving.

I used to lament to a now former friend (another loss over the past 2 years) who is an unschooler with older children, that I didn't know what I would do once her children were adults because we had shared so much of our homeschooling journey together, that I would be "stuck" on my journey alone.  I now realize that I was, even if only in a joking manner, looking at it all the wrong way.....I am not STUCK anywhere, I can make choices, even when in the lowest of places, that allow me, my family, to see the joy, the "sparkle" in every day things, big or small.

And to those of you who have stuck around, if I have done or said anything that has offended or hurt you during my time of self absorption (or even before that, wouldn't want to pretend that I was perfect prior to that!), please let me know.  If you can find it within yourself to tell me your hurt at my hands, I would like to try to make amends for myself.  I understand that friendships come and go, get stronger, crumble, that they are often given to us for a season to see us through and then fade into nothingness, but know that I value you!  Thanks for sticking around and helping me grow!

So onward and upward...."sparkling" as I go....or at least that is my plan!

Black Bean and Corn Salsa

I found this recipe on the Food Network's website and tweaked it a bit to suit our taste!  Hope you enjoy it!

Ingredients

• 1 can, 14 ounces, black beans, rinsed and drained
• 2 cups frozen corn kernels (I used the white corn)
• 1 small red bell pepper, seeded and chopped
• 1/2 red onion, chopped
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin, half a palm full
• 2 teaspoons hot sauce, just eyeball the amount
• 1 lime, juiced
• 2 tablespoons vegetable or olive oil, eyeball it
• Cilantro (chopped) add to taste

Directions

Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Let stand at least 15 minutes for corn to fully defrost and flavors to combine, then toss and serve. The corn will also place a quick-chill on this easy side-salad as it defrosts -- no need to refrigerate! 

We has this with our taco/burrito dinner and everyone loved it.  Some of us ate it on our burritos, others used it like a salsa and dipped chips in it and others just ate it with a spoon.  Super easy and yummy!

William's first pitching appearance!

William got his first chance to pitch in tonight's game.  The team was down significantly, but that didn't rattle William.  In just 3 pitches, he got 2 runners out and got his team out of the inning!

Look who is 16!

Happy Sweet 16 Grant!

Grant is now officially 16!  It is hard to believe it has been 16 years since he came into the world.  He was born on the one year anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing, the most heinous attack by an American on Americas on our own soil.    The day of the bombing I was wrought with grief and disbelief.  I ended up falling asleep that afternoon while nursing Emily and I had the strangest dream.  In the dream my husband's aunt, who had passed away shortly before Jay and I were married, appeared to me, holding a baby wrapped in a blue blanket.  She says to me "I know that you are troubled, but on this day, next year, you will have cause to celebrate"......Grant was due on May 17th, he made his appearance just after 1 AM on April 19th, on the anniversary of the bombing.


Other things I remember about that day:

1) Jay fainted during the delivery....Grant had his cord wrapped about his neck 3x and as he crowned, the doctor snipped the cord and blood went SPURTING across the room, the doctor held Grant with one hand and tried to catch Jay with the other!

2) Grant had the funniest shaped head, it kind of reminded me of a Klingon from Star Trek (no, I am NOT a Trekkie, but my mother loved the show)....luckily it straightened itself out pretty quickly!

Sophia made Grant his birthday cake.  When asked what kind of birthday cake he wanted, he said "one made with love" to which I replied "well you better ask someone else to make it!"...Sophia was happy to fulfill his request!

Happy Birthday Luke!

Look who is 5!

I can't imagine my world without Luke, every day he does something that bring a smile to my face or actually makes me laugh out loud!

You can find Luke's birth story on the birth story tab!

William hits a home run!

William hit a home run!  A real home run, not a little blooper, with fielding errors kind, but a hard hit, out of the park, home run!  I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he crossed the plate, but the looks on his team mates faces crack me up!  Way to go William!

This was his second at bat of the season, during his first at bat, he hit a double!

Jacob turns 14!

Jacob's birth was the one that took us from the realm of an almost normal sized family to that of a LARGE family!

Jacob was very sick and appeared septic at birth, he was group B strep positive.  He arrived after 36 hours of very intense labor, much on his own accord, because I was far too exhausted to push him into the world.  I crafted his middle name in honor of the midwife that stayed with me through my entire labor.  He was whisked away to the Intensive Care Unit at University Hospital right after he was born and put on IV antibiotics to fight the infection.  Despite the prolonged labor, Jacob had the most beautiful round head when he was born, he was the most beautiful baby, and if I don't say so myself, has matured into a quite handsome teenager!